Sleep

Sleep is a weird thing, in that we all need it every day, and we know it is important, but I don’t think we truly realise just how much we need it until we don’t get enough. Sleep can often indicate other things in our lives, and most counsellors will ask about sleep in the assessment or throughout the counselling, as a way to get information. And this isn’t like too much sleep or not enough sleep immediately gives us any answers, but it is an indicator. People know when they feel like they are sleeping too much, and what it feels like not to want to get out of bed. People also know when they are not getting enough sleep, and how difficult it can be to function and how blurry it can make your brain.

Sleep has always been something I have found a bit of a battle. Growing up, I used to love spending time in my own bed when I could. Mainly because if I was in my bed I was safe and away from the world. I loved sleeping but it came with it problems, mainly nightmares. I could never explain to people why I was so tired all the time, because I couldn’t let people know that when I went to bed, my brain didn’t stop or that I would be awake with nightmares, or would be longing for sleep so much but at the same time be too scared to sleep. As I grew up, once I was out of home, I started sleeping more and more at random times. I found sleeping in the dark difficult, but with the light on or the TV, I discovered I could start to get more sleep. Sleeping in the day was easier than at night. I started taking naps that could easily be 2-3 hours long, because it was how I survived and got enough sleep. As a student, it was almost like this was expected. But as you keep getting older and enter full time work, suddenly the need for routine hit but I still wanted my long naps. I had to survive without then, and found myself during the week becoming more and more zombie like, and then crashing at weekends. But, I seemed to get used to it and survive.

And now, having been introduced to my parts, my sleep can be all over the place. Lottie loves staying up late. She plays games on my phone into the middle of the night and I have to put locks or limits on to it so that she will stop. She sneaks out and plays, and then wants to sleep during the day. Charlie doesn’t really like sleeping in a bed, but does like sleeping. Her place of choice would be a sofa. So she also stays up at night, sleeps during the day. At times it can feel like they drive me a little crazy, because sleep is important for all of us. Sometimes, the others don’t understand that we share the same body and that if this body doesn’t sleep, we are all going to suffer. It can feel like they don’t get that if this body doesn’t rest, then exhaustion kicks in and I get super tired and super grumpy!

I wish sleep were something we could do separately while someone else was still awake. It would give us all different times to be ourselves and not take into each other’s time. I used to not understand why I would be so tired when I couldn’t remember being awake, and then I learnt that it wasn’t me staying up so late. So now, we have to try and negotiate, to make sure this body can get enough sleep, that our eyes are actually closed, and sometimes that is really hard because someone wants to be doing something, but, we are all slowly understanding the importance of this. Looking back, I just don’t know whether in the past I was the one who couldn’t sleep, or whether someone else was staying up.

I’m not sure where this post this going. I have just been thinking more and more about sleep, maybe because I feel like I haven’t been getting enough sleep again at the moment!